I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
