i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
