Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
