Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
