I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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