I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
