Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
