Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
