rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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