you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
