a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
