She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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