As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
