I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
