Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
