puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need to get me chipped asap
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
