I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
