went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
