Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
