Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
