I cannot find my penis.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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