So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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