Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
