He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
