Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
