My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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