So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
