it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
