Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
