I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
