oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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