Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
