Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
