is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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