never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
