today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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