I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
