You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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