As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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