lets start a swedish sibling band together
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
