I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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