Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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