I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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