someone threw a dead crab at me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
