can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
