"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
