If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
