Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
