in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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