We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
