wanna go halves on a baby?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
