Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
