The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
