You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
